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Daily motivator # 95 is about choosing your mentors. Whom do you choose and how do you choose them? Yes you want to find people who have what you want, but what does that mean? I think it means that I want to find the people who have the experience that I want. When I’m at work I want a boss who is willing to teach me what I need to know in order to do a better job. If my boss isn’t doing that, I want to go outside of that job for the experience I am looking for.

When I choose my friends. I want to choose people who have experiences that are interesting to me. People who can show me how to live a better life. This means not just aligning myself with someone who has a good message, but someone who actually lives that message to the best of their ability. If someone is telling me that it is important to be on time when I make a commitment to be somewhere, and they aren’t themselves making a commitment to be places on time, for myself I have to reconsider if this is the right person to be aligning myself with.

Everyone we encounter and develop a relationship with is a mentor of some kind. We Engage in relationships with people because of what we learn from being with them. For some people that means lightening up and enjoying themselves – making wise-cracks because they are funny and they make us laugh. Laughter is healing.

For other people it may be discussion of philosophies, theologies, and in simple general terms, living life to the fullest. In these cases we can really learn a lot and so long as everything is kept in perspective and no one is attempting to impose their own beliefs on others everything works really well.

Others may be people who’s lives are substantially occupied with business / career and advancement along those lines. Here we can learn about ambition. As long as we strive for success in this area balanced with success in all other relationships this can be a very rewarding way to live. In fact in a perfect world we can strive for success for one simple primary purpose – to be enabled to provide for others.

Hopefully we can surround ourselves with mentors in each of these areas. Maybe one person in our lives can teach us about all of these things, but I am going to venture a guess that in all likelihood it is going to be several people whom we come to rely on for guidance. When I find myself surrounded by a good healthy balance of these people described above my life can only move in a positive direction over all. Yes of course there will be peaks and troughs and we would not want it any other way because that is of course what gives us perspective. I need to have the lows to appreciate the highs – we all know this in our heads, but do we live this in our hearts? With a support system like the one outlined above and our continued and constant reliance upon it, every low can only be balanced out with a new high because we have the right people to help pick us up when we fall down. And I am not talking about “co-dependence” I am talking about a healthy reliance on others because I humbly recognize that I cannot do this life thing entirely on my own. Over time what happens is the highs get higher and the lows also get higher.

Every once in a while a trendline breaks through and takes us lower than we’ve been in a while. The loss of someone we care about deeply, or in some way shape or form the foundation we stand on falls apart. If I see this happen to someone I care about this means one simple thing – it’s time for a miracle! What does this mean? Read carefully here – It’s time for me to reach out and be the mentor in the relationship. It’s time for me to make sure the person knows I am thinking about them and that I am here for them. The real miracle of this is not that they have me there to help and support them. The real miracle is that I get to see them pull out of a tough situation. These experiences then give me hope for when I go through something similar in the future. We all go through tough times. No matter how positive your thinking, things happen – nobody lives forever and things don’t just keep getting better without some minor set backs along the way. That is an unrealistic striving.

Finally there is another basis on which we can relate to people that I want to bring up. It is the poisonous, vexatious to the spirit idea commonly known as “gossip”. When I am engaged in a conversation with a person and they are talking about other people a red flag goes up in my mind. Are they simply discussing events or is someone who is not present to defend themselves having their character called into question? If it is the latter I find that I do well to change the subject with a specific emphasis on the fact that the person or persons being discussed are not present to put clarity on the issues. That on this basis it is pointless to carry on a conversation about this topic. From here there will be two reactions. Either the person acknowledges and accepts that and moves on, or you will find that they just cannot help but come back to the poison. This is how I begin to see the people that I do NOT want around me. They will will bring me down, forever reaching new lows on a daily basis! LOL!


Motivation:

I read an article yesterday on the internet that actually put me off a bit. That’s my motivation for this video, so I am actually grateful that I read it even thought it put me off because it motivated me to write this and to record another video.

Clarification:

I want to clarify a few things based on this article about “Positive Thinking”. Positive thinking does not mean I ignore my problems and pretend that everything is ok when it isn’t. It means I confront my problems head on and address them in a positive manner. It means that instead of talking about how “Fat” I am, I talk about how I am not happy with the shape I’m and then immediately place and keep my focus on what great shape I want to be in. These are the positive thoughts that will take me into the next right action.

Negative vs. Positive thinking:

Positive thinking means I don’t wallow in self pity and suck the life out of the people around me. It means I have people in my life that I can lean on for help. It means recognizing the difference between leaning on someone and seeking help and simply dumping my problems on someone. To clarify, simply talking about my problems doesn’t get me anywhere in the long run. It helps me for a few moments, but unless I am prepared to do something about it – unless I am prepared to take suggestions and take action I am wasting my time and the time of the person I am talking to. We all know at least one person in our lives who sits around complaining constantly about their problems but never actually getting off their butts and doing something about it.

Finding Fault:

In my experience and in all of the literature I’ve read, positive thinking doesn’t mean that I can simply think my way into being what and who I want. The thoughts must be followed up by actions. It starts with a thought though so I need to be practiced in positive thinking so that the action I take is a good one. So that the action I take will help me in the direction of making my life a little better. If I find a flaw like this I have a choice – I can take a negative tack and throw it all aside, or I can say the overall message is a good one and I will put things in their proper context so that I can benefit instead of excluding myself from it.

Take what you need and leave what you don’t:

I did read one section in the secret where a woman suggests that you can simply think about being thin and still eat whatever you want and be in good shape. Sorry but that just defies the laws of physics, so I am not going to hold with that theory. Sometimes I think people will stretch the truth to make a point. It is important when I am reading literature or listening to someone speak that I take it all in and then decide what works for me. Myself I am going to think this year in terms of how I want to be in good health and good shape and I am going to follow that up by eating a healthier diet and exercising more consistently.

Ask yourself if you are doing at this very moment the same thing you would be doing if you knew you couldn’t fail. Then start doing that or taking steps in that direction immediately because the truth is you cannot fail so long as you don’t give up. The moment we give up is the only time we ever fail and even then, that is only if we never again choose to pick up the pieces we dropped and start at it again. We move on, no matter what and we never do anything alone. We must find the right mentors in our lives and lean on them for guidance. These are the people who have walked down the roads we are now walking on before us. They will let us know where we can avoid bumps. They will guide us so that we can achieve success with less strife than they had to go through. Then the real kicker comes in. The final and ultimate success only comes when we each turn around and look for the next person who needs to lean on us as a mentor and a guide. It is only then that we become an integrated part of the Universe – A part of the ultimate solution – to be a person among persons and to reach out and help others achieve their own successes. Become a teacher. Not necessarily in the vocational sense, but in the whole life sense. It works on every level – the classes I got the best grades in when I was in school were the ones where I was teaching the material to a classmate. This was the greatest reinforcement of what I was learning myself. Life is like this. Learn a lesson then find someone else to pass that lesson along to as soon as you can – before you forget so that the knowledge becomes a part of you. If you can live according to these kinds of principals – spiritual principals then success is inevitable. In fact it is as instant as when you choose to live this way. In a moment.. in this moment you are an incredible success just because you can read this and decide.. this is how I want to live my life. Then all you have to do is practice what you preach and remember that you are not going to do it perfectly. That’s why we all need to have mentors and be a mentor at all times.

One of the greatest things about living a life based on spiritual principals is that you develop a support system. A network of people who care about you and who are there for you no matter what. Sometimes they are simply there to lend an ear. Other times they can be there to offer their time and even financial assistance if you need it. These are the kinds of relationship building experiences that we need to have. People say that lending money destroys relationships. It depends. If there is mutual respect then the person who borrowed the money will not wait for the person who loaned it to ask for it to be returned. They will be forthcoming and if for some reason they cannot pay it back, they let the person know that they can’t pay it back and when they think they can. As long as these dynamics are honored then it is not only not a bad thing, it can build the relationship. It builds trust and it gives the people involved the confidence that they have someone in their lives who can be trusted and relied upon to be there for them and to be responsible.

I often like to think along these lines. If everyone in my life knew what I was doing or saying at this moment, would I be ok with it? Would I still be doing or saying that thing? If I have to answer no at any point then I probably should reconsider doing this. One of the great things about living this way is that I never have to worry about remembering what I did or said. So if I find I am talking to someone and the subject of a third person comes up I need to ask myself if I would still be holding this conversation with that person here. If not, I need to change the subject. I have a good friend who loves talking about other people and taking guesses as to what their motives are about certain things. Usually I find that the best way to diffuse this is to change the subject by asking him a question about himself. In fact what is really perfect is that I can take the subject being discussed about the other person and turn it over to the person talking. So if he is telling me about how he thinks someone is ripping someone else off, I can turn that around by asking him if he’s every ripped anyone off. See how that works? Usually we have at least at one time been the things we judge. That’s why we judge them. If not, be careful you may be on the way to becoming the things you judge today.

I read once somewhere (I honestly can’t remember where) that there are 3 forms of conversation. The LOWEST form of conversation is conversation about the topic of other people (Gossip). The next level up of conversation is the discussion of events. The highest level of conversation is the discussion of ideas & philosophies. This is why I love “self help” type discussion, reading, and writing. It actually helps people – it certainly never tears anyone down. The discussion of events is ok and often times interesting. The lowest form of conversation (Gossip) only ever has the effect of hurting someone. It is often disguised as an attempt to inform, or warn a person. I’m going to guess that in 99% of those cases the person being warned really doesn’t need the warning. If anything I always become weary of the person doing the “warning”. What’s their motive? Are they warning people about me when they are talking to them? I usually stay away from people like that. My friend mentioned about is sort of an exception. I honestly feel that he has a good heart deep down inside, I just think he lacks the confidence that his own life is interesting enough to talk about. This is kind of a funny story – you talk about denial. I remember that for a time I was sort of forced to have dialogue with a person who I can’t recall ever really speaking about herself. In fact it was usually the same 2 or 3 other people she would always talk about. I would be so turned off any time I had to listen to her. Then one day while she is in the midst of gossiping to me about someone (I hadn’t had the chance yet to re-direct the conversation) and she was one of those people who would go on and on – it was actually very difficult to get her to stop) she explained to me that she had a conversation with one of the very people that she would frequently gossip about. Apparently during this conversation she was describing she had with him the subject of gossip had come up. It was hard to hold back from laughing when I heard this, but she described how she told him she never gossiped about him.

 

So there is really no point in my experience in pointing it out to people. The best thing to do is focus on the people who do appear to enjoy the “level” of conversation that I enjoy. As long as I focus on that, this is what I should attract in my life. Occasionally other types slip in!

Imagine for a minute that your primary purpose in life is to help other people achieve their goals and dreams. That actually is your sole purpose on this planet. Well then you might think the answer is not thinking of yourself. Now think about this. What good are you to anyone if you don’t take care of yourself first? If you aren’t taking care of yourself then you won’t be able to maximize your ability to help others. So you are the most important person in the world around you. Take care of yourself so that you are better able to take care of others. Help others achieve their dreams and you will find yourself somehow achieving yours in the process. This is happening to me. I see it around me every day. In fact I see very immediate results. On days when I am consumed by myself and what I want for myself I don’t feel so good and of course when I think back to what I accomplished that day it usually isn’t much. On the days when I am entirely focused on helping others somehow I find my world feels like it is in perfect order! I don’t know how it works, but I know that it works! How can I be of service to you today?

The online community now has a Daily Motivator playing on the home page and them some music that gets me going- especially in the morning. You can add music to your own page as you customize it. I hope you will sign up and enjoy!It’s fun and it’s free!

My wife and I like to watch the show million dollar listing. It’s about these young guys who work as real estate agents and they represent some of the wealthiest people in Los Angeles selling homes in the 5 million dollar range and earning commissions of around $125,000 per sale. One of the families on the show was forced to sell their home, which they had built themselves and put some real creative genius into it. It was so sad especially when the agent had to ask them to reduce the already reduced price because it wasn’t selling. I told my wife this was god (or the universe if you prefer) doing for them what they could not do for themselves. She didn’t understand me – why would god not help them get out of this situation and I said somehow they are going to be able to stay in that house. Sure enough in the next episode it turned out they were able to get a loan modification enabling them to stay.

I recently had a similar type of experience. Going into December I was a little worried. November was a little slow for me and before I sat down to plan December it was looking like more of the same. In fact thanksgiving weekend I had not yet scheduled a thing for the first week in December and usually I am scheduled 2 weeks out. So after a little bit of panicking I remembered all of the things I’ve learned and talked about over the years – that I don’t need to panic – I didn’t come this far just to have it all fall apart on me and that ultimately I needed to have faith that everything was happening exactly as it should be happening right at this very moment. So I sat down to plan the month and within an hour the first week was scheduled and I was happy. I had a couple of scattered appointments for week 2. I wasn’t worried anymore – I had just been shown what I have seen over and over again – it always works out somehow. Then the week began and I got into a project that wound up taking so many hours it filled the week’s time way beyond what I expected pushing other projects aside. Then the calls start coming in from people looking for yearend help. Now I am completely inundated and in fact the first week of December was a record week for me business-wise.

So remember this – as bad as things ever get – you have nothing to worry about because you have no idea what is right around the corner. You might just win the lottery. But you have to play it to win it – life is like that too!

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