I think we have probably all read that e-mail that talks about a “Reason, A Season, or a Lifetime”. In case you haven’t or you’ve forgotten how it goes, or you just want to read it again for inspiration I am posting it in the You’re A Miracle Blog.

Sometimes when you have reached a point that you thought for sure a friend was in the “Lifetime” category, you find out otherwise. They sort of slip from that category into the reason or season categories. This can be painful. How do you deal with a friend you’ve had for what already seems like a lifetime who turns around and attacks you, attacks your character. It’s one thing to attack someone’s actions, and an entirely different thing to attack one’s character.

So what do I do when my character is attacked? It takes everything I have not to strike back. Not to attack back and tell them where their character sucks. Ironically the mere act of doing what they have done in these situations is a direct reflection of a character that sucks.

There are so many little phrases that come to mind, 2 really stand out. First I have learned that I have to ask G-d what he (or she J) would have me do in this situation. What kind of man would you have me be? Then I have to keep asking. Literally all day long because my mind keeps going back to how hurt I am by this. It would be different if it came from someone I wasn’t close to. Even in the very specific case that I am writing about I am talking about a person whose opinions are so mass produced that I shouldn’t give them any credence at all by rights. Buy “Rights” have nothing to do with it. This is about feelings. Feeling pass and we move on. I found that yesterday by asking G-d to be with me, by asking G-d constantly to help me be the man G-d would have me be, I was ok. In fact things worked out strangely enough that my phone was unable to accept e-mail yesterday and I was with a new client where it just wasn’t necessary for me to have internet access on my own computer. I could have asked, I purposely didn’t. This enabled me to focus on my work, and I had possibly one of the most productive days of my career to date. No exaggeration. The client could not believe what I was able to accomplish in a day. I came home and there were some e-mails to respond to. Including one additional one from my former friend. I sent him one final response and finished it by saying that there would be no more e-mails from me and no more friendship between us. This of course makes me sad. It’s true – I’ll get over it.

The second phrase comes to mind here. Pray for him. Most people hear this and say “WHAT?!”. Why would I do that? I read the perfect answer to that question in the book I am reading now called “The Committed Life“. Let’s say you are dealing with a negative, bitter, angry person. Let’s just say that ok? The obvious thought is to stay as far away from someone like that as possible. Of course this is exactly what that person is trying to accomplish. Somebody like this pushes people away ironically because they are afraid of being alone. So if I see to it that no one can come close to me then I can blame others for my unhappiness and take no responsibility of my own for it. Of course it isn’t until I do take responsibility for it that I find the power to do something about it. As long as it is everyone else’s fault there is nothing I can do about it. As miserable as that is, in many respects it is much easier because I can just sit on my couch blaming the world for my unhappiness instead of actually making the effort to change. Changing takes great effort – especially to change at the core levels. Most of us have to have some sort of traumatic experience in order to bring about that deep a desire to change. A near death experience – drug addiction, a terrible accident, or worse than anything the loss of a dear loved one.

So what/how/why do I pray for someone like this? The answer is actually simple as described in the book referenced above. Let’s say I pray and ask G-d to make this person happy? Let’s say I pray and say, “G-d please bring this person all of the happiness they would really like to have in life”. Now let’s just say that my prayers are answered? Let’s say this person finds real happiness in his or her life? So much so that he or she changes at the inner core? What will happen? For one they might just leave you alone forever out of shame. Or, they might come back sincerely remorseful for whatever harm they’ve caused you. You might just lose an enemy and gain a friend in one shot. So yeah, I’m praying like hell for him!

G-d please bless him and give him all of the happiness he can possibly enjoy in life! Amen!